Recently I woke up at 2.30am, and, unable to sleep, wrote the following words, inspired by a Richard Rohr book, Immortal Diamond.
Once more, my mind had engaged in its chatter – grabbing my attention now that I was quiet. I found myself unable to rest back into sleep. However, I also recognised that my mind (ego-self) was into self-attack mode. It sounds heavy, but the voice was saying; must do this better, work harder, express myself clearer, get all these jobs done etc. I realised that unconsciously I was making myself wrong, subtly but effectively. In fact it reminded me of comments I would get from some of my teachers at school – could do better! My mind is always telling me – you could do better. Phew. As if there is not enough going on without this subtle voice in my head, kicking off at night-time.
What I recognised, which was a blessing and release, was that when I allow this to happen, and focus on fixing my humanity (or someone else’s), I am not practising the silence; I am not focused on God as good. Yet this is the key to our awakening, or salvation.
When we focus on God within, through and as us, when we open our minds and hearts in silent awe and reverence, to the majesty and mystery of God, we are changed.
Instead of me trying to work harder, be clearer, kinder etc., I find I do this naturally and experience God as my source of clarity, confidence and ability.
It is good to be the best that we can be. However, when we strive, thinking ‘I have to fix me’, we are in the way of our goodness flowing. When we surrender into Divine Heart, into love and wisdom, we are uplifted, renewed, restored into our true nature, our Christ nature, and the good for everyone naturally flows. As my dear friend, Isabel used to say, ‘we are being done’!
Therefore, I encourage myself, and you, to stop trying to fix ourselves to be better. The ego-mind will keep us here forever. Instead, practice opening, softening and melting into God Mind/Heart. Allow yourself to make this inner divine connection and notice how you begin to respond. It is the pure activity of God in us, as us, that changes us.
Rev Kimerie Mapletoft
Director of Silent Unity and Daily Word UK
Unity in the UK